


eww

by oliverhehe



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Evans getting extra credit, M/M, ah my own heart hurts writing this, but its supposed to get happy in the end, connor doesnt give a shit about anything, connor failed the class so he has to take it again, connor nearly kills himself and evan too, evans a bit anxious sometimes, he didnt know evan was hurt tho, it gets cute later on i promise, its not really cool anymore its just sad, its weird at first sorry i didnt fix it, kinda ooc i guess but if you think it as being nice to evan then its ok, unless its evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-25 12:38:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliverhehe/pseuds/oliverhehe
Summary: Evan doesn't like summer school, but he meets Connor and things get worse. But then they get better. Then he's got a soulmate because wow I'm a creative author.TW: cutting, suicidal ideation, graphic descriptions of blood (Connor gets better afterward I promise)





	1. Begining

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so the au is probably something similar to an au you already know - when you draw on yourself (or hurt yourself) your soulmate sees it (or feels it) on their own skin. But it only works after they've spoken to each other. It's not super common so yeah Heidi is sp00ked (sorry mama Hansen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is bored in health and Connor hurts him (accidentally, of course).

Evan walked into his class.  He was enrolled in summer school Evan was taking Health class in the morning, and then Physical Education after lunch.

He didn't know anyone in his class, which made him nervous already.  He breathed- trying to calm his heart before he had to pick a seat.  It was in the back corner, which helped his nerves some.  He didn't know who he sat next to though.  By the time the teacher had taken roll and started class, there wasn't a single empty seat left.  One kid, Connor Murphy was sitting on the counter

Lunch was alright.  Jared kept Evan occupied with stories of random things.  Its how they normally got through lunch during the school year and summer school wasn't going to be much different.

P.E. was shitty, per usual.  Jared was in the same class as Evan, so it could have been worse.

It was 7:00 am before he knew it, and it was time to do it all over again

Today, Evan saw someone sitting in his seat.  Day 2 of summer school was going great.

The girl who took his seat hadn't been at school the day before.  Evan needed to calm down.  He didn't have a seat, he had to sit on the counter.  That wasn't the trouble though, it was more the issue of getting there.  He was gonna have to walk in front of people, hope to god that people wouldn't judge him.  He scanned the room. Funny how all those thoughts could happen in a split second, but when the teacher called on him, his brain went blank.  There was an empty spot, next to a boy in a dark jacket leaning on the wall.  Connor Murphy.  As Evan moved to sit next to him, he thought of who he was sitting by.  People made fun of him for having a 'school shooter' aesthetic.  The shootings have popped up around the country, so Evan was a little paranoid.  Not of Connor, just people who would do that.  Oh god.

Evan dropped his bag on the counter and hopped up on it.  He sat cross-legged and played a game on his phone.

Neither Connor nor Evan spoke during the whole 3 hour class period.

Connor was laying in an uncomfortable looking position.  He was laying on his back, using his bag as a pillow.  His knees were bent and his feet were flat on the counter.  He played a game on his phone with both of his headphones in and didn't pay attention to class at all.  Even his hood was up.

There was a partner assignment handed out.  The teacher paired everyone up and put Evan and Connor together.  Connor didn't respond.  He probably didn't hear anything, and the sheet didn't seem too hard.  Evan didn't want to bother Connor (haha anxiety is fun), so he just did the sheet by himself and put Connors name at the top. 

 

Wednesday.

Connor spoke up halfway through class.

"Why didn't you tell me we had an assignment?"

"Heh - oh, what?" Evan was startled and didn't know how to answer.

"We had that assignment yesterday, I slept through it and now I have a 100% on an assignment I didn't do. Your name was on it."

"Oh, uh, yeah you didn't seem l-like you were, uh, up for it?" god damn it Evan pull it together. "It seemed easy e-enough so I just did it m-myself."

"Hmm. Well, thanks, Hansen."

 

 

They didn't speak on Thursday.

 

Friday.

"Hey Evan, how'd you break your arm?"

"H-what?" Evan wasn't paying attention.  He was startled, yet again.

"You've got that giant cast on your arm, what's the story behind it?" Connor sat up and hugged his knees lightly.

"Oh, I, uh... I fell o-out of a tree."

"Hmm. I didn't know you were an outdoorsman."

"I-I just really like, uh, trees."

Connor smiled. "Yeah, that sounds more like you."

Evan just blushed.  He didn't know what to do. hahahdgahgjer;hbhrtyrhljet.  That was how he felt.

 

That weekend, Evan couldn't stop thinking about Connor.  His jacket looked so comfortable.  His hair looked so soft and Evan wanted to give it a pat.  Connor was a grumpy soul, but he seemed to try and soften up with Evan, even if they'd only held short conversations.

Evan felt a pain in his arm under his cast.  It felt like something was slicing through his skin. He cried out in pain- he was supposed to get his cast off on Sunday, which was tomorrow.  If he did something to break it more, they were going to have to do more tests and Evan was going to have to talk to more doctors and he did really not want to do that.

He felt the pain on his other arm.  He looked at it and there was a cut making its way across his wrist.  Where was this coming from?  Who is doing this magic?  Evan felt faint.  His wrists hurt really bad, and it kept going.  There was a pause in the pain.  It felt like his heartbeat was in his arm and blood was dripping from under his cast.

"Evan! I'm home!" Heidi opened the front door.  She worked late, it was maybe 11 on a Friday night and Evan was passed out on the floor, blood everywhere.

You could hear her scream from down the street.

 ~~

Connor hated this.

Nobody cared about him, and he didn't plan on making it to graduation.  Why did he have to pass health class?  It was dumb.  He was the last one in the class, and there were no seats.  Great.  He sat on the counter and slept through the whole class. 

The next day, Evan sat next to him.  Connor put the hood of his jacket over his head.  He didn't want to interact with anyone.  He fell asleep.

He woke up at the end of the day to the teacher shaking him awake. 

"Connor, I know you're tired, but you have to go home," Connor groaned.  There wasn’t anyone left in the classroom other than him and the teacher.  "You did well on your assignment today, by the way, you and Evan got 100%."

Connor asked Evan about it the next day.

Evan blushed, apparently, he did it without Connor.  Of course, it was just so Connor could sleep.  Connor thanked him.  He felt good that someone wanted to do that for him, just out of the kindness of their heart.  A warm feeling filled him up. 

 

_No, it_ wasn't _out of the kindness of his heart._

_He's scared of me_

_He didn't want to wake me up, he thought I was going to hurt him._

Connor had his hopes up, he liked Evan and wanted to be his friend.  Evan was the first person who didn't scream when Connor talked to him.

He felt warm blood ooze down his left arm.  His right arm held a razor.  His thoughts pushed the blade deeper into his skin.  He sliced it open more and blood pooled in the cut, before trailing down and dripping from the underside of his arm.

"FUCK!" He shouted, pulling the blade out of his skin.  Yeah, Connor did mean to start cutting, but if he did it to deep he knew he was going to pass out.  If he passed out, then people would start asking questions on why there was blood on the floor.  If people found out why there was blood on the floor then he'd be sent somewhere else.  Some dumb mental facility, that wouldn't help anything other than making Connors depression worse. 

He could feel his vision getting blurry. He sat down on the floor of his bedroom.

"Nonono... no don't... stop- no stop... bad..." He started muttering to himself.  He grabbed some bandages he kept in his nightstand and wrapped up his arm. It bled through the thin wrap, leaving it soaked in blood.  Connor found a water bottle and chugged it, willing himself to stay awake. 

He was alive and well, and that was good for now.  Light-headed, but conscious.  Connor wanted to make his mental pain physical for the time being.  Some way to bandage it up and call it good.  If he died from this, then he wasn't going to be able to kill himself on his own terms.

Connor put a determined look on his face and carefully sliced into his other arm, careful to not bleed out too much again. 

He felt better when he finished. 

~~


	2. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry the last one was so gory uh this one is nicer i think 
> 
> Basically, Evan finds out what happened to his arm and Connor also knows

Evan woke up. He could feel someone napping next to him. - but he hadn't opened his eyes yet so he couldn't tell who it was.

Evan let out a small groan. 

"E-Evan?!" He could hear Jared's voice. Evan tried to tell him something but it came out in sounds of 'eh' and 'hng'

He tried to open his eyes. He felt Jared hold his left hand with both of his own. 

"Hey Treeboy, don't overwork yourself, ok? You're going to be alright, I promise. You lost a lot of blood," Evan could make out Jared's face above his own, "but you're still alive and we-..." Jared sniffled and his voice started to crack, "We're just glad you're ok." There was something warm on Evan's cheek, a teardrop.

Jared wiped his eyes and sniffled once more. "It's about 5 o'clock, Your mom went to get some medical equipment and told me to keep a watch on you to make sure you were ok." 

Heidi was a nurse, she knew how to deal with blood loss. There were thick bandages wrapped around Evans right wrist, but his left one was wrapped as if to stop the bleeding from leaking out of his cast.

"Your mom is gonna take off your cast by herself, to make sure your, uh... wounds don't get infected under there," Jared said.

"how... di- did they even-n uh, g-get there?" Evan could barely speak. Jared handed him a water bottle. 

"Drink this first. You're dehydrated." Jared told the story while Evan tried to drink the water as best as he could. 

"Your mom and I think you have a soulmate. You obviously couldn't get a knife inside your cast, and there wasn't anything sharp where you fell. Soulmates are kinda rare and I guess the perfect someone for you isn't very happy with where they are in life."

"I-I've heard of th-those before... can't you write o-on yourself and they see i-it too?"

"Yeah, you can actually. I'm surprised you're in the state to remember that. You took quite the tumble and I think It'd be best if we waited for you to get a little bit better before we test that out." 

There was a light knock on the front door, and the keys were fumbled into the keyhole. Heidi Hansen burst through the door.

She dropped her things. "M-My baby boy!!" She cried, picking Evan up into as gentle of a bear hug as you can get. There were tears rolling down her face. 

 

"We'll get you fixed up, I promise." She went and picked up all her medical equipment, and plugged in a saw-like instrument. Heidi was full business mode now.

"Honey, don't worry about a thing, this is to cut off your cast but it can't cut skin. I'm going to need your arm for this." Evan stuck out his arm. Normally, a cast would be split down the middle on both sides. Evan was a special case. Heidi didn't want to hurt any more wounds that most likely mirror the ones on the other wrist. She cut it from the side, where the thumb and pinky are. 

That night, Evan wrote on the backside of his hand.

"Who are you?"

~~

Evan had insisted that he was well enough to go to school on Monday. 

"Give me a call immediately if you feel bad AT ALL today, ok honey?"

"Mom, I'll be fine. Jared is down the hall from me, a-and I'll have my phone with me. I'll text you and keep you updated, how d-does that sound?"

"Ok... Alright, honey," Heidi had driven both Jared and Evan to school Monday morning, "Jared, if you notice anything at all, make sure to tell me immediately." 

"I will Mrs. Hansen, don't you worry about a thing. I'll take good care of him."

"Well, I hope you two have a good day at school. Remember that I'm just a phone call away if anything happens!"

"Mom, we will be fine. I promise. You're g-going to be late for work if you keep talking to us-"

"Oh gosh that was the warning bell school starts in 5 minutes. Mrs. Hansen, I hope you have a good day at work but I need to get Evan to class."

"Ok then, you two don't get in trouble!" 

Heidi drove away. 

"You ready for class?" Jared opened the school door for Evan to go through. 

"I'm just worried that p-people are going to ask me what happened." Both of Evan's wrists were wrapped. Heidi was smart enough to make his left arm look more like the case he wore everywhere, she made that one really bulky. The other one was a lot thinner. If anyone asked, they would easily believe the story of it being sprained. 

"I'll be outside your classroom when its time for lunch, ok?" 

"Yeah, I-I'll is fine Jared."

Evan sat on his counter spot. Connor was already laying there.

"What'd you do to fuck up your other arm?"

"I, uh, b-believe it or not, I fell out of another uhm... another tree. t-this one wasn't as bad, I only sprained it." 

"Hmm. You sure like trees, don't you?" 

"Y-yeah, Yeah I really do. I want to study them professionally."

"Then what are you doing here, studying the human body?" Connor sat up and held on to the edge of the counter. 

"I-its a requirement to graduate, s-so I kinda have to." Evan smiled. Connor smiled back. 

Evan looked around. He didn't like talking to people very often, but he really liked talking to Connor. Evan looked for a conversation piece to talk about when-

"Whats that say on your hand there?"

nadfkjsdhgg no that was a bad move there Connor because now for you to understand it Evan is gonna have to explain what happened and how he didn't actually sprain his wrist, rather how there are very large cuts all down it and you'd probably be better off not getting involved . . . 

"It says 'W-who are you?'"

"That's kinda funny because I woke up this morning to find that written on my hand too- " It just clicked Connor didn't it, "Hansen follow me" Connor got up and grabbed Evans arm, trying to leave the classroom.

"But class is about to start!"

"I don't care this is important"

Classmates started looking and to avoid public humiliation, Evan let himself get dragged down the hall. At least they were leaving the room full of people.

Connor let go of Evan once they reached the men's room. He locked the two of them together in a stall, to have some form of privacy if someone walked into the restroom. 

"Are you sure you 'Sprained your wrist' like you said? because I'm pretty sure your soulmate would feel that. "

"I-I'm sorry?"

"Look at this! I didn't write on my hand, and you sure knew what it was. If you wrote it and it showed up on my hand then were probably soulmates."

Evan stepped back. He was blushing- Connor Murphy was his soulmate?!

"See!? Here! Look at it! They're exactly the same!" Connor held out his hand to show Evan the writing on it.

"H- how do you know so much about soulmates?" Evan asked, very carefully.

Connor signed. "You've seen what I do to myself. Nobody in my family cares about me, I've got no friends, It's been wishful thinking to hope to god that someone would care for me. But now we're here." 

"I barely know you, I-I don't have much judgment on who you are a-as a person, but I can tell you, that no matter what, you will be found. I'm here, I've heard your voice, and I promise th-that I will help you to get better." Evan looked up into Connors' eyes. "I can promise you that."

Connor smiled a sincere smile. "You don't know how long I've waited for that. For someone to try and help me... I'd always hoped it would be you, as creepy as it sounds. I kinda have this huge crush on you, despite only seeing you in class for like a week. Well, I've seen you around more than that. I've seen how determined you can be, and how nice you are to anyone you meet. I honestly started looking for you where I went, and now I'm finally this close to you." Evan averted his eyes and started blushing. Through his whole monologue, Connor had been leaning a little closer to Evan. It was nearly Kabe-Don. 

Connor smelled so nice up close... as crazy as it sounded Evan wanted to be engulfed by it. He knew that Connor liked him, so it wouldn't be a bad thing if Evan got the chance. Now that Evan got the chance to think of Connor in a romantic sense, The two of them being a couple made sense. 

Connor lifted Evans chin gently. They locked eyes. "Can I?" He asked. Connor was being so gentle to the fragile little Evan, which made Evan feel safe. He felt more secure with Connor. His face was so much prettier up close, his eyes especially. Evan could get lost in them.

"Yea..." Evan breathed as a response. Connor didn't quite dive in, but it was close. His lips were soft, and his eyes closed. The kiss didn't last very long, but long enough to be euphoria. Evan hid his face in his hands and leaned himself on Connor. Connor hugged him back.

Evan said something, but it was muffled in Connors jacket. 

"What was that?"

"I think I can get used to this" 

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops sorry Evan, I'm pushing my issues onto you. Then I added Connor. Then I added a soulmate au. And also depression. Then I almost started crying bc holy shit I didn't expect all of that to come out of my head wow I need a moment to lay down and rethink my life


End file.
